A National Tragedy: Helping Children Cope

A National Tragedy: Helping Children Cope

Tips for Parents and Teachers
NASP website

Whenever a national tragedy occurs, such as terrorist attacks or natural disasters, children, like many people, may be confused or frightened.  Most likely they will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. 

Parents and school personnel can help children cope first and foremost by establishing a sense of safety and security. As more information becomes available, adults can continue to help children work through their emotions and perhaps even use the process as a learning experience.

All Adults Should:

1. Model calm and control. Children take their emotional cues from the significant
   adults in their lives. Avoid appearing anxious or frightened.
2. Reassure children that they are safe and (if true) so are the other important
   adults in their lives. Depending on the situation, point out factors that help insure
   their immediate safety and that of their community.
3. Remind them that trustworthy people are in charge. Explain that the
   government emergency workers, police, firefighters, doctors, and the military are
   helping people who are hurt and are working to ensure that no further tragedies
   occur.
4. Let children know that it is okay to feel upset. Explain that all feelings are
   okay when a tragedy like this occurs. Let children talk about their feelings and
   help put them into perspective. Even anger is okay, but children may need help
   and patience from adults to assist them in expressing these feelings
   appropriately.
5. Observe children's emotional state. Depending on their age, children may not
   express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep
   patterns can also indicate a child's level of grief, anxiety or discomfort. Children
   will express their emotions differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel or
   express grief.
6. Look for children at greater risk. Children who have had a past traumatic
   experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or
   with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Be
   particularly observant for those who may be at risk of suicide. Seek the help of
   mental health professional if you are at all concerned.
7. Tell children the truth. Don't try to pretend the event has not occurred or that it
   is not serious. Children are smart. They will be more worried if they think you are
   too afraid to tell them what is happening.
8. Stick to the facts. Don't embellish or speculate about what has happened and
   what might happen. Don't dwell on the scale or scope of the tragedy, particularly
   with young children.
9. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate. Early elementary
   school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with
   reassurances that the daily structures of their lives will not change. Upper
   elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking
   questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their
   school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Upper middle
   school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about
   the causes of violence and threats to safety in schools and society. They will
   share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent
   tragedies in society. They will be more committed to doing something to help the
   victims and affected community. For all children, encourage them to verbalize
   their thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener!
10. Monitor your own stress level. Don't ignore your own feelings of anxiety, grief,
    and anger. Talking to friends, family members, religious leaders, and mental
    health counselors can help. It is okay to let your children know that you are sad,
    but that you believe things will get better. You will be better able to support your
    children if you can express your own emotions in a productive manner. Get
    appropriate sleep, nutrition, and exercise.
    
    

What Parents Can Do:

1. Focus on your children over the week following the tragedy. Tell them you love
   them and everything will be okay. Try to help them understand what has
   happened, keeping in mind their developmental level.
2. Make time to talk with your children. Remember if you do not talk to your children
   about this incident someone else will. Take some time and determine what you
   wish to say.
3. Stay close to your children. Your physical presence will reassure them and give
   you the opportunity to monitor their reaction. Many children will want actual
   physical contact. Give plenty of hugs. Let them sit close to you, and make sure to
   take extra time at bedtime to cuddle and to reassure them that they are loved
   and safe.
4. Limit your child's television viewing of these events. If they must watch, watch
   with them for a brief time; then turn the set off. Don't sit mesmerized re-watching
   the same events over and over again.
5. Maintain a "normal" routine. To the extent possible stick to your family's normal
   routine for dinner, homework, chores, bedtime, etc., but don't be inflexible. Children may have a hard time concentrating on schoolwork or falling asleep at
   night.
6. Spend extra time reading or playing quiet games with your children before bed.
   These activities are calming, foster a sense of closeness and security, and
   reinforce a sense of normalcy. Spend more time tucking them in. Let them sleep
   with a light on if they ask for it.
7. Safeguard your children's physical health. Stress can take a physical toll on
   children as well as adults. Make sure your children get appropriate sleep,
   exercise, and nutrition.
8. Consider praying or thinking hopeful thoughts for the victims and their families. It
   may be a good time to take your children to your place of worship, write a poem,
   or draw a picture to help your child express their feelings and feel that they are
   somehow supporting the victims and their families.
9. Find out what resources your school has in place to help children cope.
   Most schools are likely to be open and often are a good place for children to
   regain a sense of normalcy. Being with their friends and teachers can help.
   Schools should also have a plan for making counseling available to children and
   adults who need it.

What Schools Can Do:

1. Assure children that they are safe and that schools are well prepared to take
   care of all children at all times.
2. Maintain structure and stability within the schools. It would be best, however,
   not to have tests or major projects within the next few days.
3. Have a plan for the first few days back at school. Include school
   psychologists, counselors, and crisis team members in planning the school's
   response.
4. Provide teachers and parents with information about what to say and do for
   children in school and at home.
5. Have teachers provide information directly to their students, not during the
   public address announcements.
6. Have school psychologists and counselors available to talk to students and
   staff who may need or want extra support.
7. Be aware of students who may have recently experienced a personal
   tragedy or a have personal connection to victims or their families. Even a child who has merely visited the affected area or community may have a strong reaction. Provide these students extra support and leniency if necessary.
8. Know what community resources are available for children who may need
   extra counseling. School psychologists can be very helpful in directing families to
   the right community resources.
9. Allow time for age appropriate classroom discussion and activities. Do not
   expect teachers to provide all of the answers. They should ask questions and
   guide the discussion, but not dominate it. Other activities can include art and
   writing projects, play acting, and physical games.
10. Be careful not to stereotype people or countries that might be associated
    with the tragedy. Children can easily generalize negative statements and
    develop prejudice. Talk about tolerance and justice versus vengeance. Stop any
    bullying or teasing of students immediately.
11. Refer children who exhibit extreme anxiety, fear or anger to mental health
    counselors in the school. Inform their parents.
12. Provide an outlet for students' desire to help. Consider making get well cards
    or sending letters to the families and survivors of the tragedy, or writing thank you
    letters to doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals as well as
    emergency rescue workers, firefighters and police.
13. Monitor or restrict viewing scenes of the event as well as the aftermath.
    
    

For information on helping children and youth with this crisis, contact NASP at (301)
657-0270 or visit NASP's website.  

Modified from material posted on the NASP website in September 2001.
© 2002, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway,
Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814, (301) 657-0270, Fax (301) 657-0275;